I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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