I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
