you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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