Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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