im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
