I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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