I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
