i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
