I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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