I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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