I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
