Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
