Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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