If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
