When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
