You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
