But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
