i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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