margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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