YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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