I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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