Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I had to cum in my sink.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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