I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I love you. Go after that dick
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize