Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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