I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
