sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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