there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
