Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
