we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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