I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
