Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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