I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
