Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
