You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
These tits shall not be calmed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
