put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
