I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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