did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
