and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
