Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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