do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
