I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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