Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
