Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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