ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
