went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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