Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
