I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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