so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
