Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
