wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
