Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
