Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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