Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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