You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
