You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
