What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
