Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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