Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
as a side note pls kill me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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