Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
did i walk over a car last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
