somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
