I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
