the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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