I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
