So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
