So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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