my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drake has all the answers
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