My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
