why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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