Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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