evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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