Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
